Listen, when you say to someone: “I’ll give you three guesses and the first two don’t count,” you might think it’s clever, but it’s not. It’s stupid. What does that even mean? Stop saying it.
So I watched the movie “300” last night. It was recommended to me by a number of people, but the most strongly by a Polish girl in my office who got so moist by watching all of the well-built men sweat and bleed that she probably couldn’t sit still the rest of the day even after telling me about the movie. Some women are like that; she’s one of them.
So the movie was based on the graphic novel (comic) by the same guy who did Sin City, which I loved. What struck me most about 300 was the quality of the special effects. Sin City was awesome, oh yes, but still had the comic book feel a lot of the time. 300 did not. There was virtually (no pun intended, I’m sure) no point in the movie when it didn’t seem…I dunno, real. That being said, many of the characters were paper thin, the story was very predictable, etc., but I was entertained and at no point did the movie drag on. It was well cast, well acted, and well made in general. If you can take the blood and dismemberment, I’d recommend it highly. It’s not cerebral so if you want to think go rent the reruns of the chess playoffs or something.
In other news, it was a very expensive weekend, as I acquired the last 2 big pieces of the basement accoutrements - namely, a 46” 1080p LCD TV, and a console/hutch entertainment center to put it in. Once the TV arrives I’ll have to spend another 80 clams (I’ve already priced it) on an upconvert DVD player, but that’s it. No mas. That’s everything.
I did look at the Blue Balls DVD player this weekend at Best Cry, but I just can’t do it. It went down something like this:
Me: “I just bought a new LCD TV and I need a new DVD player to go with it.”
Sales Prick: “Well you need Blue Balls!®”
Me: Blue Balls? “Sounds painful.”
Sales Prick: “You have no idea.”
Me: “I seem to recall hearing something about Blue Balls, tell me more.”
Sales Prick: “Well first, look at the picture on this TV.” *reaches under counter for something*
Me: *blows a nut in pants*
Sales Prick: “Now imagine this rough-hewn, glass-encrusted, 6-inch cross section piece of timber getting jack hammered into your ass.”
Sales Prick: *That’s sort of like Blue Balls.”
Me: “So it’s really expensive?”
Sales Prick: “Lemme break it down for you, Skippy. That right there is the most expensive TV in our store, playing a special Blue Balls demo DVD that we can’t even remove from the special demo Blue Balls DVD player.”
Me: “Hmm. So it misrepresents the product, makes Best Cry and Blue Balls shit tons of money, then ruins lots of vehicle and sofa upholstery with bloodstains and plasma seepage, in other words.”
Sales Prick: “Bingo! Now, which one would you like?”
Me: “I think I’ll come back later.” *scurries out of store holding wallet in one hand, sphincter in other*
Spending $500 - $600 on a medium that is not industry supported, paying $25 each for special Blue Balls DVDs that I cannot rent from Blockbastard or Netfucks, is basically just funding the post-market development of technology that may or may not take off. You know what? I’m not a fad-chaser. Why would I want to re-buy my DVDs in a different format just for the pleasure of watching them again? Sorry Blue Balls.