— 6:35 a.m.
Last night was the beginning of the fall bowling league at the incomparable Centennial Lanes in Longmont, Colorado. The team is about ¾ the same as last season, including me (not too obvious, I know), Kim, Heather, and our new addition this season, Kim. It’s Heather and the ims! Wow, that was really lame. *sheepish look*
It was kind of a mad scramble right at first with all of the checks to write, sanction cards to fill out, etc., so the 15 minutes of practice we usually get was limited.
I just got some new bowling shoes last week, and hadn’t had a chance to try them out yet. Why new shoes? The shoes that I had were my father’s, from when he bowled in a league in 1967. This predates me by more than two years, since I was born 3 and one half weeks before 1970. The shoes were a blonde-colored leather; really comfy and just the right size. So what’s the problem you ask? Jesus Christ, haven’t you been listening? The shoes are nearly 40 years old!
Given the dotage of my shoes, I retired them and spent $100 on some new Dexter shoes. Needless to say, footware technology has advanced plenty, and so has bowling technology. The latter can kiss my ass though. I still use my Dad’s 1959 (ish) Ebonite Tornado, all-rubber ball. I may end up getting a second ball for hooks (if I get really serious about bowling), but they’ll have to pry Dad’s ball out of my cold dead fingers.
Where was I? Oh, I remember now, the shoes. Stop distracting me, OK? The new Dexter shoes I literally pulled out of the box in the bowling alley parking lot, put them in my bag, went in, and put them on. Now I was immediately impressed with how comfortable they were. Really snuggly. But they’re built differently, as I was to find out.
So there I was, the thunder-like roll of the balls and crashing of pins all around me. Concentrating, since I hadn’t bowled in months, I set up like I always have, and started my advance. The ball in my right hand shoots forward with my left foot…swings back with my right foot…comes forward with the slide of my left foot and the release…HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK JUST…OW! *The foul buzzer is going off calling attention to my prone position*..How the hell did I end up face down on the lane with my arms sliding around on the lane oil? My knees hurt.
Alright, lets run through this again…the ball comes forward with the left foot slide…Aha! There was no slide! My right shoe bottom consists of leather and felt. The sole of the left shoe, on the other hand, has a kind of soft rubber from the heel cut to just forward of the ball of the foot. It’s supposed to stop your foot! Wow, it sure works great. You put your weight on that sole and it stops dead. Well, that’s going to take some getting used to! I wasn’t expecting my foot to stop so abruptly, so my weight/balance was all discombobulated and I went shooting down the lane from the inertia of the 16-lb ball and my own forward momentum.
I was able to recombobulate before the league play started, and I ended up bowling just fine (2 games above average, and one slightly under). Actually, I really like the fact that my foot stops, but holy roller Batman! When you’re not expecting it, it can make for an awkward moment. That’s right kids, the first roll of the first night of 33 weeks of bowling league and I try the never-recommended slip and slide. Shit.
The team we played against on this first night was the team that won the league last year, so they were pretty good. I think my team was in 15th (out of 18) at the end of the season. Basically, we sucked. They didn’t really pick on us or anything, even though it was a clean sweep score-wise. The two women on their team, Marge and Mary, were both really cool.
I love the team this season. Everyone gets along well and we’re very supportive of each other. There are plenty of high fives and giggling going on the whole time we’re playing, which is awesome. This night was extra special because Kim's girlfriend, Kim (that's her name, do you think I'm making this up?) was present also, and was a big part of the fun we were having. She's A LOT of fun. Of course, I was the only one drinking, but I have no problem with drinking alone. *Cue George Thorogood here*
Memorable quotes from the evening:
Kim (while bowling what ended up to be her best game):
“I’m kicking my own ass!”
Ed (from the other team) during our first game:
“What, is this a new team or sumpm?”
Kim (after the other Kim threw several gutter balls in a row): “You’re turning your wrist.”
(other) Kim: “I gotta find a different ball.”
Something completely different:
Strange observations from the last few days
CSU Rams (football team) Billboard slogan and even catchy jingle on low-budget TV:
Let’s go RAMin’!!!
Lameness factor: 8
Chance that it would be mistaken for a demolition derby: 62%
Why do they make cakes with frosting that looks like frosting, but it’s really only slightly sweetened whipped cream? What am I a diabetic? AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHH!!!!!
Lameness factor: 9
Chance that you’ll taste is before you realize it’s a sham: 90%