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2008-04-08 — 8:24 p.m.

Gay Paris!

Moulin Douche

So I started watching the movie “Moulin Rouge” tonight, and after about 5 minutes, I thought that someone had slipped some acid into my potstickers. What the fuck is up with this movie? I sat there challenging my attention span for about 20 minutes trying to make sense of this disjointed mélange of modern music and 1900 period costumes and I couldn’t make hide nor hare of what in the bloody hell was going on.

I realize that this movie is not new, but I’m staying in a corporate apartment with my new job and I rented it a few days ago because I heard from a few people that it was really good. So I figured, what the hell? Good cast and all with Ewan McGregor, a fine Scottish actor, and Nicole Kidman, who is a wet dream on two legs, how could it be bad?

Well, it was like a musical of “Family Guy”, which is just a series of random of tangents and disjointed images stitched together like an animated Frankenstein. A shamble of half-rotten parts from different bodies that – when put together – almost make something alive. I thought it was terrible. With a huge cast of courtesans led by a Wizard-of-Oz-type character singing “Voulez-vouz a coucher avec moi c’est soir” running into an equally large group of tuxedo-encrusted men singing “Smells Like Teen Spirit”, while Nicole Kidman fluttered around as the Green Absinthe Fairy, thus lending creedence to the myth that absinthe has hallucinogenic properties simultaneously made me want to curl up in the fetal position, throw up in my mouth a little, punch myself in the nuts, and break wind. Gah, what a waste of film. I had to turn it off.

There is a depraved part of me that wants to give it a chance in the hopes that it will get better, but I don’t know. It may be like taking a fillet knife to my own testicles and turning them into Rocky Mountain Oysters.

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Want to comment? Speak up! 4 Quips to Date

Anna - 2008-04-09 05:10:01
I think you need to see it on a big screen - the sets are fantastic, but it is just a big, intense bit of froth.
Sunshine - 2008-04-28 14:56:55
Dude. The fact that you absorbed as much as you did, as a GUY, is paramount. For real. If my hubby tried to watch that he would need some kind of accompanying Cliffs Notes.
Al - 2008-04-30 16:11:27
Dude, give that movie another try, it's really quite good.
Cher - 2008-05-02 20:49:44
Ya, honestly I think there's a Y chromosome blockage keeping you from actually enjoying that movie. Kinda like watching a 3-D without the glasses. ON that note, its by far one of my most favorite movies of all times. Its part of a trilogy including Strictly Ballroom and Romeo and Juliet with Clare Danes and Leonardo Di Craprio. Note to self...know what you're getting into. That's a must see with your wife!

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