Britney and Rosie
Every time I open up the Web browser to my home page, which is Comcast if you must know, there are two things on it. One is a Britney Spears meltdown, the other is Rosie OíDonnell. I just have to ask myself: When did these two cows become so important?
Itís obvious that Britney is a raving fucking lunatic that has no ability to make rational decisions for herself or for her children. How do I feel about it? Iím not really sure but I think I feelÖpity. Alright, letís put one thing one thing to bed right now, shall we? No, Iím not a fan. Iíll admit that I have heard 4 or 5 of her songs 3 or 4 times each. Why? Well, Iím 37 years old and I have a 16-year old daughter who used to LOVE her music. Once in a while, I would hear it.
Disclaimer: I did appreciate the part she played in the beginning of the Austin Powers movie, but that was Mike Myersí brilliance, not anything special about her.
Ok, back to the topic. Itís obvious to me that she came into the limelight too soon in her life and was not mentally equipped to deal with it. Couple this with the hormonal and emotional aspects of getting knocked up and having a few children in short order, getting fat, losing popularity but not celebrity, and whiz-bang-chugga-chugga-splat-bing-crack! She snapped like a dried out wishbone. Now sheís cutting off her hair, getting more tattoos, yelling at people, basically just melting into a screaming ball of goo every time sheís out in public Ė much to the delight of the media. As we all know, the media happily feeds on goo. In fact, I think all scum eats is goo. The most recent event was in Las Vegas. Britney, what the FUCK were you doing in Vegas? Jesus Christ, woman, thatís the last place you need to be. Come and sit on Uncle Timís lap for a minute. Thereís a good girl. Now, what do I recommend, you ask?
Hereís what you do Britney. Just go away for a while. Stay the hell out of the public eye. Donít go anywhere, donít do anything. Youíre kids arenít in school yet, so you donít even need to leave the house. Donít watch TV, definitely donít read the newspapers. You can Netflix movies if you want. Watch Six Feet Under and get some perspective Ė itíll help. Just stay home and heal. Play with your kids, get your head on straight, get your health back, then face the world again when youíre ready to be a celebrity again. If youíre never ready, fuck it! You had a good run and made some dough. Maybe somewhere down the line you can be an actress or something, maybe you can just be a mother. Just donít bug out on your kids and have them turn into circus freak media fodder too. Donít you think they deserve better than that?
I warned you, Britney, I warned you. But did you listen to me? No. Now they've taken you're kids away. I'm sorry, I really am, but you should have taken my advice. I can't help you now.
Now as far as Rosie, what in the fuck crawled inside her, unsheathed its claws and started gouging out her insides to make her so foul-tempered and shitty all of the sudden? I mean holy shit! Is it menopause? And why the fuck do people care all of the sudden what she thinks? Does the fact that sheís a lesbian make her more important? More credible? More relevant? All I see now are still images of her with no make up and some sour, bitchy expression on her face because sheís pissed off at someone now.
The Donald Trump drama over the Miss Crab Nebula or whatever the fuck it was turned out to be just the beginning of the perpetual bitchitude it would seem. She went off on everything and everyone before she finally got canned from TV, but she still somehow gets just as much publicity ripping on people. WTF? Who cares? Sheís a bitter, middle-aged woman who used to be funny and who is now just megacranky. She canít make people laugh anymore so sheís just shitty. Fuck her, I donít care what she thinks. Why does she keep getting press?
Oh, wait. Itís the goo. Shit, I forgot.