There are some who call me...Tim

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Physics love letter

A female friend of mine, who shall remain nameless, was telling me recently about how in lust she is with her physics professor. It's really nice to see her so excited about someone, and I hope things workout in a way that would make Nabakov proud. She claims that her professor is awkward and that she is too. I don't imagine that she could be, but then I've known her for 3 years too.

To help along this process and get her past her awkwardness, I wrote this letter for her to give to her professor. I wrote it from her point of view, in a language that he would understand. You know, to kind of put the two of them on common ground so that some of the awkwardness would be alleviated.

There are only a few weeks left in the semester, so their friendship (that is, the student-teacher relationship) will have to be enough for now. After that, who can say. I just hope this letter helps her.

The letter:

Dear Professor,

I hope I'm not making an error here, you and I both know how I strive to be accurate. I realize that we are not equal, and I'm comfortable with that relative uncertainty. It's just that when you are lecturing about modern physics, I think about your weight on my body.

I know I shouldn't think about the why, so I focus on the how. I want action. If we work together, our conjugate quantities can change us to dependent variables. I know you feel the current, but imagine a complementary use of our kinetic energies and the joy of the resulting extensive property. Mmmm, just the thought of it decreases my friction coefficient almost instantly.

At first I thought it was nothing serious. Your image was a bit distorted; oblique. It must've been the paraxial rays affecting my ideal-lens equation. *sigh* But something changed the angular magnification, and I got a new lens just like that. I could see the real image. That's when I got to know you, and I know you could also measure it.

I'm serious! Even though we're at a dipole right now, you can still feel the attraction! You can't deny it, you know. Your radioactivity accelerates my particles at a rate that I've never been able to quantify before. Maybe I was just scale-limited; maybe I was just non-specific in my terms, I don't know. What I do know, is that I'm not a neutron anymore and I'm willing to test our capacitance.

My virtual object isn't doing it for me anymore though, that much I know for sure. I want your collision. I want to feel your force in my mass, unit by unit. Please, show me that radial periodic motion that I want so bad. Your gravitational field does matter to me. Zeroth knows that the heat of this reaction is right here in our bodies. There is no uncertainty about the intensive variable.

I will change my axis for you, and through the fusion of our simple harmonic motion, we will easily attain steady state. Now, don't worry if you have a short half-life on your component output, I will provide the transformation that you need. I'm good at absorption and I will provide your stable equilibrium.

I don't need proof anymore. This not a fictitious force, nor is it an uncertainty error. I have factored in the discrepancies, and have realized that even though the data is empirical, there's electricity.

We must wait until the end of the term, I know. I just wanted to tell you that my center of mass will remain true. I can only hope that my error analysis was thorough, and that we are still attractive. I shall eagerly await your completion of my circuit.


[her name]

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Want to comment? Speak up! 5 Quips to Date

Al - 2006-05-05 17:16:46
Kirchoff is going to cream when that loop closes.
golfwidow - 2006-05-06 14:48:54
That is so wrong on so many levels, and yet I love it.
Bobby Ayub - 2006-05-07 18:15:28
Damn, who knew Physics speak could be so dang randy!
Heather - 2006-05-21 00:22:22
LMAO....that letter was fantastic! Me and my astrophysics buddies sometimes play a drinking game like that where you have to say a dirty sentence that had a physics flair to it...and if you couldn't come up with one fast drank! Well done! Hopefully things work out for her!
Dan - 2009-05-12 02:04:26
Just reread this again, and I just have to say: Physics gives me a hadron. Heh...heh...

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