Amazing Flight. A.k.a. “Trapped in a Tube”
The last weekend in January (well, from Wednesday 1/25 through Monday, 1/30), I was in Las Vegas. I’m sure that this will come as no surprise to anyone who’s read this or this, but believe it or not, this trip was different. I was there to visit my father and for The Amaz!ng Meeting 4!
Oh, it began as the previous trip, but instead of being mildly annoying (comparatively speaking) this flight was horrible. Go figure, it was because of drunk assholes. Now don’t get me wrong, I drink, but I don’t get obnoxious when I do. This flight left the ground at 7am, on a Sunday morning (no, I didn’t stay in Vegas the whole time, I’m getting to that). I was absolutely beat because I had a show the night before, and fortunately my band www.thebaddirections.com had the 9pm to 10pm slot.
The show was great, but by the time I got home and unwound it was 12:30, and I had to get back up again 4 hours later to make it to the airport for the flight. I was hoping to sleep on the plane, but my hopes were dashed by 7 belligerent assholes a few rows behind me. These guys were mid to late 50’s. They were going to Vegas for some conference or something, and were likely drunk when they got on the plane.
I try to be patient, but these guys were out of control and I even had earplugs in. It’s great that they were reliving their pre-Korean-War college days, but holy shit. The main boisterous one was not even the worst one. It seemed that they were desperately trying to outdo each other. What’s more, they all thought they were funny. You know how that goes. They ordered up cocktails the first chance they had, and one guy said “I drink because I’m afraid to fly.” Well, it might have been clever in different company, but no one heard it. Therefore, of course he had to repeat it 4 MORE TIMES until he was sure that no one was going to laugh.
This group cheered every minute or so. You can imagine how quickly that got old. They were also incredibly rude/disrespectful/crass, and were just all around assholes. One of the things they kept yelling was “Cuppie”! It was apparent later on that this was a diminutive of “Captain Cupcake.” Cuppie was a few rows behind this noisy bunch and was the only quite one. If I were him, I would also have disavowed any relationship with these guys.
There was another one of the group about 6 rows up, and he was summoned by the obnoxichorus as “Pole Smoker.” Yep, these guys were YELLING ‘pole smoker’ at random times throughout the flight so that the guy who “smokes big cigars” wouldn’t feel left out.
A female passenger came through the menagerie after using the restroom (I won’t use the word “lavatory”) and was assailed with cat calls and “no, don’t sit down!” The guy who said that followed it with “I’m just tryin’ ah get laid.” Classy. They called the flight attendant “Angie” because her haircut reminded them of Angie Dickinson.
It’s interesting to me how people revert to their nascent state when they feel like they have no one to answer to. Seeing them act like this, something else struck me. This is who they really are. They’re homophobic, bigoted, sexist, chauvinistic shitheads. When they are in the corporate world, their entire behavior is a sham.
It proved to me that there is no age limit or financial ceiling on white trash.
In the next post, you’ll here about the Amaz!ng Meeting, and a milestone birthday, but not in that order.