No matter where you go, there they are.
I work in a fairly high tech industry. Pharmaceuticals, to be exact. No, it’s not a fancy euphemism for illegal drugs – it’s prescription medication that makes people’s lives better. Or worse, depending on usage, of course. That being said, there are some pretty bright folks around that manufacture, regulate, monitor, etc., where I go to work. Or so I thought.
I have seen a lot as a consultant but a few Thursday s ago, several of my colleagues and I found a real peach. I’d seen this woman shadowing the director of our project out here (the client) and I didn’t really know who she was. Let’s call her…Nancy. So in the morning I had the chance to talk to her while I was doing something in our trailer and she was sitting in the office area, having been excluded from a meeting.
I helped her set up her computer so that she could log into the Internet, then told her what my company was doing here. She didn’t really know anything about validation (surprising, I would find out later), which is what I do, but most people don’t, and not knowing what her background was, I patiently described to her what it was, what we were doing at this facility, what needed to be done, etc. This all took 15 minutes or so.
Christine walked in about then and introduced herself. To which this brilliant person said “Oh, there are two Chris’s on the project!” Seeing Christine shudder, I thought to myself: “No, there are no Chris’s on the project. There is a Christine and there is a Christina.” Call me old fashioned, but when someone introduces himself to me as David, Michael, Stephen, Donald, Ronald, Thomas, etc., this does not automatically become truncated to the familiar diminutive of Dave, Mike, Steve, Donnie, Ronnie, Tom, etc,. The same is true for Jennifer, Christine/Christina, Suzanne, Catherine, Victoria, and dare I say it, even Kimberly. Some people like their full names and choose to use them, so if someone introduces himself to you as "Richard", don't be a Dick.
Still with me? OK, good.
Later that afternoon, we were all in a conference room together, as it is the overflow office space. Then the fun started. With 5 of us in the room, this woman proceeded to start asking some of the dumbest questions that I have ever heard. Including:
“Do I need to set up a printer?”
“How come it doesn’t work when I try to print?”
Us: “Did you set up a printer?”
Her: “I have to set up a printer?”
And this went on and on. Compounding the problem was that she had a really whiney, stoner-like, cartoon-character laugh that was not from this world. It sort of sounded like: eh heah heah. Drawn out and annoying, her laugh was like everything that bothers you about everyone you know, and it followed almost everything she said. *shudder*
Now as I mentioned a few blogs ago, Stephen is from England. He's in his late mid-40's, and even though he lives in the States, he has an unmistakable, and rather thick accent, having spent his youth in Barrow-in-furness, in the north of England. After a long time, when Stephen mentioned that he was from England, Nanners said: "Oh, I didn't even notice that you had an accent! Eh heah heah"
She claims that she had a biology background too, and had worked for a long time in the laboratories before going into marketing, and now was moving into a quality role. She didn’t even know anything about our water purity, which had she EVER worked in the labs, she would know. I’m not sure that her résumé was right on target, or that her parents had any children that lived.
Once Nance, or Nanners, as we referred to her later (out of spite) called Christine “Chrissy” and proceeded to ignore the correction that her name was, in fact, Christine, then her loathing of Nan was assured.
Great euphemisms for stupidity that came out of this:
From Christine: “dumber than a bag of hair”
From Stephen: “as bright as 2:00 in the morning”
From me: “Dumb as a stump”
“living proof that rocks fuck”
“Dumber than a box of rocks”
From Brian: *shakes his head in silent disgust*